It goes without saying that I have had a lot of space in my head to reflect, ponder, space out or just be. What I find very interesting is long-ago memories are popping up in my head at random times. Memories that I stop and say WHAT THE????? I was speeding through life like a freight train before this nasty virus disabled the entire world. My mental capacity was clearly very limited.
I was scheduled for one of my regular photoshoots back in early March as I was monitoring what was going on with the world I decided to cancel all shoots planned until further notice. I have been shooting with my photographer two to three times a month for the past four years. In life, you have to pivot, change gears, and be flexible, not that easy when you are a perfectionist, and obsessed with creating valuable content. I would spend months curating the perfect wardrobe for each photoshoot. I know exactly how I want each shot styled and the location. I am realizing how much pressure I put on myself over the years and how I have to chill but it’s not that easy.
So here I am taking my photos, figuring it all out, and being ultra-critical of myself. I am thinking, is it the stress of the unknown with this virus that’s making me look old? Is my skin super stressed and depressed? Maybe it’s the extra Rose glass of wine? Was the take-out too salty? Or am I just getting older? See how, when you start with the negative vibe, it just goes downhill?
My hair is growing out of its signature style bob, my nails well, that’s another story, but it all seems so trivial now. The strange thing is I feel more pressure than ever to create content, make everything look amazing, perfect, inspiring with limited options and resources. To go above and beyond now that everyone is at home glued to their computers. One look at Instagram and you see pantry’s organized like Martha Stewart, bedrooms with every decorative pillow karate chopped in the middle for that extra polished Z Gallerie look. Take one look at my kitchen sink, and I think it would break Instagram. I decided that being super critical of myself and consuming too much perfect content was not the way I wanted to continue my quarantine. I am giving myself grace, something I should have implemented years ago, and the best news is it’s FREE.
I have replaced being hard on myself with daily positive podcasts, writing in my journal each morning my three gratitudes, three things I need to get done, three ways I want to feel, and three random people I am sending happiness to through prayer and good vibes. I can’t tell you what a mood-changer it is to listen to podcasts like Earn Your Happy by Lori Harder each morning. You have a couple of choices dealing with this pandemic. You can either fill your time and mind with positive, constructive news, media, books, or you can take the bait and watch endless hours of negative press. Compare yourself to strangers on social media, start or continue bad habits, engage in negative conversations, and go down the dark, depressing rabbit hole. I am choosing to own my happiness, meditate, grow, reflect, and be the woman I want to be in life through this incredibly challenging time.
If you have been hard on yourself these past couple of weeks while staying home give yourself grace, love, and understanding. We all are going through and navigating this new world together. We will make it out of this stronger and more unified.